Jumping To Conclusions
by Manicus-Inice
Summary: Parody of every bad fic you ever wanted to flame. Complete with MarySueHermione! Horrible pet names, and drowning in soup. Be afraid be very afraid. HD


Harry walked slowly and dramatically to the train. He had an expression on his face that showed he was very depressed. He had just found out that Hermione and Ron were now going out. Harry was very upset; he had liked Hermione for a whole three hours. She had changed a lot over the summer, she had her hair straightened, and her hair had baby blonde highlights. Her wardrobe consisted of pink leather tube tops and matching mini skirts (same length too). This outfit had shown all of her curves that were in all the right places. She looked ever so hot. Harry sulked and walked on to the train. He had obviously grown over the summer because the moment he walked on to the train he hit his head on the top of the doorframe. He fell back like he was in slow motion as he was falling back he heard Ron and Hermione's laughter. As he hit the floor he heard someone running towards him, "Harry are you okay?" Draco asked. "No, Draco I think I'm dying!" Harry responded. "Harry-poo, do you need mouth to mouth?" "Oh yes, Drakie I can't breath" "Don't worry Harry, my oodle poodle" Draco bent down and brought Harry into a passionate 'mouth to mouth' session. As this ended Harry said, "Drakie now my ear hurts will you use mouth to Er- ear on it?" "Anything my beautiful dying black velvety rose that smells wonderful." Draco finished his mouth to, um- ear session and Harry said, "Oh Draco my hot sex god oh how I've always longed to hold you, I love you so much. I have always loved you." "Really?" "No, But I have loved you for the past er," He grabbed Draco's wrist and looked at Draco's watch "Six minutes." "Oh Harry, my honey bun sugar plum, I've loved you for the past six and a half minutes" "Oh, Drakie, my Pumpie umpie umpkin, I will always love you," Harry grabbed Draco's wrist again to look at the watch. "For the next twelve hours, anyway." "Yes, and I'll love you for the next eleven and a half hours," Draco said. They reached Hogsmeade three and a half hours later and grabbed the first cart they could find. They reached Hogwarts a half an hour later. Harry and Draco ran into to the first broom closet they could find, holding hands the whole way there. They were in that broom closet for the next seven and a half hours, when Draco took the last nut (out of the bowl, of course). Then he checked his watch and said, "The 11 and a half hours are up. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" He breathed in deeply and said, "I - shagged - Potter! Oh father, please forgive me? Potter you will never live this down!" "But Drakie-poo, I love you!" "Fuck off, and don't mention this to anyone! If you do I'll - I'll er...ooh! I'll tickle you to death!" "I'm not ticklish," Harry said stubbornly. "Yeah you are, right here," Draco tickled Harry's middle finger. Harry started to twitch and he laughed. "Told you." Draco stood there for a minute smirking, than he looked horror struck. "D- did I eat peanuts? Oh my god, I ate peanuts! I am going to die! I am allergic to nuts!" Harry stood there not knowing what to do. He swept Draco off his feet and ran with him in his arms to the hospital wing. Harry rushed him straight to Madame Pomfrey. She told him to wait outside, three minutes later, she came back out looking upset. Immediately Harry jumped to the conclusion that Draco had died. Harry ran down the corridor and out of the castle. He kept on running for what seemed to be many hours, until finally he reached his destination. He started to climb and he kept climbing till he reached the top of this of this very familiar place. Then at top speed he ran and leaped off of this hut. Back at the nurses office... Madame Pomfrey started to run after Harry but he was too fast for her she called after him "Harry, He is fine he only had to take a potion!" At Hagrid's hut... Hagrid stepped out of his hut. He saw what looked like a teenage boy lying flat on his face in a puddle. Hagrid rushed over and said "How did this get out 'ere? I thought my inflatable 'Arry doll was under me bed!" He bent down to pick up the inflatable Harry doll and noticed that this wasn't inflatable at all. It was solid. It must be a real body! He rolled the body and screamed a high pitch little girl scream. It was Harry. He noticed Harry had drowned in a two-inch deep puddle outside of his hut. He felt Harry's chest to see if there was a heartbeat but there wasn't. Hagrid scooped Harry up and ran him to the castle, straight to the hospital wing. Three hours later, Madame Pomfrey announced, "Harry died," with sorrow in her voice. A tear glided down her cheek. Draco woke and looked at the bed next to him and saw that it was Harry. But not only was it Harry, it was a non-moving Harry. Draco got up to take a closer look. He reached down and put his hand over Harry's heart but he could not feel a heart beat. Draco started to laugh quietly, but then the loudness increased and within a minute, he was laughing so loud and hard that tears were coming out of his eyes. While laughing, he looked around and noticed that there was tomato soup on Harry's bedside table. He stopped laughing and got up to get the soup. He reached Harry's bed, sat down, and started to eat the soup. He started to laugh again and he choked on the soup and he passed out. But passing out wasn't the worst part; the worst part was he drowned in the soup, and never lived to tell the tale. ~The End~ 


End file.
